Like countless others in this country I have been following the Olympics. I too have thrilled at the accomplishments of stars such as Michael Phelps, Our two star gymnasts, Shawn, and Nastia and running's "incredible Hulk," Usain Bolt. However, it was because of my awe at the accomplishments of Mr, Phelps, that I was struck with such humor at the audacious claim that our own ( er, somebody Else's own ) Chad Johnson made that he could beat Phelps in a race. Yeah, on a jet-ski maybe. Now I think everyone needs a dream, but this one is a doosie. I am not a gambling man, but I think that if "Ocho-Cinco versus Aquaman" ever became a reality I would have to lay at least $1,000 on it. But now that I think about it, just think how famous Chad would be if he could do what the greatest swimmers on the planet couldn't do. Beat Michael Phelps. His name would be famous forever. I think I will issue a challenge of my own. I think that I could beat Nastia Luikin on the balance beam. Heck, I wouldn't have to do a thing on the beam because the difficulty score for me just getting on it and staying on it would be good for 500 points. I think that while I'm at it, I will challange Usain Bolt to a hundred yard dash, but only if he lets me choose the car I'd get to use. Now we all know that I'd have about as much of a chance to win either of these challenges as Mr Cinco would have of beating Mr Phelps in a pool without the help of a good jet-ski. I guess if I could say anything to Chad it would be, "It's always better to remain quiet and let everyone think you're a dummy, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
(Now, if Senator Obama would only learn that.)